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 Why It’s So Hard To Change

In the traditional version, the problem itself is a table-top, with the legs beneath representing specific events contributing to the current day problem. By collapsing some or all of the legs, the table top will become unstable, and should fall over, providing emotional relief from the bigger issue.

My extension of this thinking supposes that 2 different sets of legs support the table. One, central, set are of a similar emotional flavour to the table top (e.g. an anger problem supported by specific events charged with that same emotion). hearing aid set, around the outer edge of the table, represent the secondary, accidental benefits the problem provides. Notice that, although secondary, these still help hold the tabletop upright. And these are usually a different emotional flavour to the tabletop (e.g. being angry helps me be assertive; helps me get things done).

Common sense says that if we swing our therapy tool of choice at the centre legs straight away, it will deflect off the outer legs first, our efforts wasted. And even if we could somehow collapse the centre legs without the outer ones, the secondary legs would still easily hold the table upright.

Along these lines, most of us trying to make a change in our lives do so by hacking away unknowingly at the wrong part of the problem. kennel for dog majority are unaware of any secondary, accidental advantages of holding onto the problem, and take aim only at the primary issue. And then we wonder why therapy “doesn’t work.”

A seasoned therapist knows WHEN to work on WHAT issues. Working first, on only the outer table legs, has different (and much more interesting) results. Sometimes, when we have first collapsed the accidental benefits, the tabletop automatically falls over, unsupported big dog kennels central legs alone. In some cases, the individual will deny all knowledge of the original problem, or insist it was never an issue to begin with (thankyou apex effect).

Clearly there is much more to say on this important topic, and I will write about it again.

Meanwhile, if the problem you face is proving difficult to budge:
• What are the possible upsides to holding on to this problem?

• What are the downsides to having the solution?

• What happened the last time you [solution]?

• Will others know who you are, without this problem? Will YOU know who you are, without this problem?
• In what way will not having this problem make you seem unimportant? too similar? too different?
• In what way will not having this problem be unsafe? dangerous? stressful? insecure? uncertain? unfamiliar?
• Will having the solution change others’ expectations of you? Will it change YOUR expectations of you?

The answers often point to significant secondary areas requiring your early attention, before the main tabletop will give way.